30 07 2010

When you turn on your TV to watch dozens of people killed minutes ago, people away from you few minutes also using a plane, you watch them, for few seconds, and then use your remote control (a magical device designed to make your wishes come true by applying minimum force) to switch to another channel playing an american movie where people are getting murdered either by a vampire or by a mass murderer, and surprisingly, you leave your magical device and stay to watch the american heroes kicking the evil and see liters of fake blood all over the scene, but you dun wanna throw-up seeing all this blood, and you explain that this blood is simply…’Fake’. But when it comes to the liters of real blood spilled on the first channel, your explanation would be something like : we already got used on this kind of news…seen it daily since we’re kids

and you stop and wonder : when did your senses become so…insensitive ?

You finish your movie, kick this idea out of your head, start to think about your real life, your duties, you responsibilities, your work or your studies, The Real Deal, the stuff that you have control on, that you can change, your Playground…this time you look at the big picture, why do you carry on your work ? you remember your needs and dreams, you list them starting from the shiny car, the perfect place to live, passing by the big office, the private business, ending maybe by marriage or kids dreams…and suddenly you realize that all of your simple dreams can be formulated as a function of money …you feel bad about it.

and so you stop and wonder : when did your needs become so silly ?

You keep thinking, find out that you’re not that bad! You also have higher goals and dreams.You wanna help people, you wanna make something, you wanna leave a change…okay, but in fact, you don’t spend as much time on those as you spend on your materialistic dreams.

so you stop and wonder : when did my higher dreams got de-prioritized ?

Then you start noticing that you are having a considerably increasing time spent in these wonders and that the common thing between them all, that they all seem to be important, yet they never imply an action to be taken.

and then you stop and wonder : is it healthy for me to keep having these wonders ?

And when you get this far in wonders, a person with no wonders can clearly tell you how much you are messed up buddy.

anyway, we continue….

You start a new day, get ready to go out, perform -neatly or carelessly- the procedure of getting dressed and then you look to yourself at the mirror but stop looking at the ‘outter image’ asking yourself : is this the person i wanna be ? and your answer comes varying between “not even close” and “i can’t say so”.

and then you wonder : am i ever gonna be that person ?

When you leave this mirror, go out for whatever you were getting ready for, spend the next days in a very usual manner, AS IF your answer was “i m exactly this person !!”, AS IF you are totally satisfied to the extent that you are not willing to stop doing anything you currently do, or initiate something you are not doing….
But you noticed this weird situation.

so you wonder : How long i will continue to lie to myself, telling that everything will be fine, that i will overcome all my bad aspects…while, in fact, i m not doing anything about it ?!

I consider the fact that you (the valued reader) may start to get bored and wonder by now if i ever gonna reach a conclusion out of all this weird stuff.
But let’s face it, most probably i won’t end with an ending you like, because after all, it’s me writing…not you 😛
So…..customer satisfaction is NOT guaranteed…and you have been warned !

we continue…..

By this time you have already watched many Amr Khaled’s episodes, enjoyed your happy moments after taking many decisions, failed in keeping most of them, started to formulate your own theory about how it is hard to change in yourself…and somehow, acceptance begin to slip and take hope’s place in different zones and fields in your life.

the wonder here was :
Am i doomed to never reach a destination ? to keep facing incapacity ? to keep giving up hopes and expectation as i get older ? to keep having a high “disappointments-to-achievements ratio” in my life ?

and to be honest, the last set of wonders may be the most…black.
If i had any answers or practical solutions for any previous mentioned wonders, then for those i clearly don’t.

For All the wonders up there, you acted in different ways, some you ignored, some you forgot, some you kept thinking about, and some made you ‘make a plan’.
Whatever your way of handling them was, seems you always were “the man in charge”…it was always your call, your decision, your worries. And it makes sense, it’s your own life after all, and if it wasn’t you who gonna fix it and worry about your destination, then who else will ???

Well…not exactly

Enough wonders for now and lets talk a bit about Prayers:

We do not pray because we “deserve” to get something …
You pray because you Need, and because Allah is so generous that he Gives all the needy.
And for every time you skip standing in a “Need” position, you will be skipping a “Have” part in the story.
Leaving your story book with blank pages in all the “Need” and “Have” chapters, will make it a very hard story to understand… even for you !

“It’s not your own life, it’s the life you have been given.”

Every time you raise a wonder, is a sign that something is going wrong, and that you are aware of it. Choosing between saying “it’s my life…my problem…my call” or writing a new “Need” chapter is something totally up to you.

There is a French quote saying : “Il arrive que les grandes décisions ne se prennent pas, mais se forment d’elles-mêmes.”
means : It happens that big decisions are not taken, but rather are formed by themselves.
I Agree, and that’s why i think that wondering is not a waste of time, it’s more like the preparation phase we need to go through before we become whom we were meant to be…from the very early beginning.

Keep wondering…but know the following: if you really need something to be fixed, you will ask for it ! You will ask and you will beg and you will pray !

And if you decided to pray, you do it properly…do it with no doubts that your prayers will come true.

Reda Maged

Originally posted in April 27, 2009




2 responses

9 09 2010

and this will keep me wondering for a little while, but for how long and what will be the effect?!

9 09 2010
Reda Maged

not sure if that’s good or bad; but thanks for passing by anyways 🙂

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